The tornado had cows!

I'll be honest, I was stuck in a tornado. I flew through it hitting cows, goats, barn silos, and random cars. For the last few weeks I was carried inside of this tornado being ripped apart. My clothes flew from my body and my nakedness felt exposed to the entire world. It wasn't a physical disruption to my life but a mental and emotional one. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and pretend like I didn't exist. Every fiber of my being wanted to melt away into a puddle of self-pity and disappear down the sewer drain where I felt like I'd be the most at home. If I had one super-power it would have been to disappear. I felt people would be happier if I was gone and not throwing around my shade like parade candy.

 It's interesting to take a step back and watch the people around you. It's fascinating to see how they interact in certain situations. I watched as some of the people around me built small defenses to keep my struggles from seeping through their carefully built walls. They made an attempt to ask how I was but nothing further came from that. The moment that I said something that shook their fragile lives they quickly rebuilt the part of the brick wall that my answer destroyed. It's human nature. We are wired for self-preservation. When we put our hand on a hot stove we don't keep it there, we quickly remove it and take care of the burn. I don't fault anyone for staying away. When you don't know how to handle someone's situation, it can be hard to dive in and hope that the water won't drown you.

There are people in my life who took a step forward and plunged into the pond. They took it upon themselves to find ways to break up my pity-party. The invite might have only been extended to myself but they crashed the party anyway, knowing that staying alone was the last thing I needed.
 I want to say thank you to those people. It was never my intention to let anyone into my personal circle but somehow you managed to squeeze into it. In a small way, you helped me see that the shallow grave I was building for myself wasn't what I should be doing. Knowing that there were people who cared for my well-being, helped spring me back to the surface of the abyss that I had fallen into. I might still be hovering over it, looking deep into it with transfixed eyes, but knowing that you pulled me out of it is a major step for me. Thank you. You helped me realize that I was going somewhere that I didn't want to go. You stopped the tornado and the livestock that pelted me on all sides.

There is someone in all of our lives who is silently rooting for us in the background. There is a friend, spouse, child, parent, or sibling cheering you on. You might not always be able to hear them but they are screaming as loud as they can. I know this from personal experience. There are moments where I feel so dark about life that I don't know what to do with myself. My heart hurts so much and I just want the pain to stop. As I struggle to keep away from other people there are people fighting to help me see that I'm not alone. There are people encouraging me to be better. They force me to see the good in myself, regardless of whether I want to see it or not. It's when I feel the most alone in this world that I finally notice the cheering crowd around me. 

 There is no one in this world that deserves to be forgotten. There is no one who deserves to be cast aside and left to fend off the beasts for themselves. We all have our struggles. Instead of trying to find ways to further damage people, we should uplift them, encourage them, and notice the good that they ARE doing. Everyone needs someone, should have someone, and everyone who reads this does have someone. I might be broken, soulless, and heartless but I'm shouting encouraging words to all of you. There are so many people out there who are trying to damage our fragile brick walls. They want us to fail so that they can succeed. Take courage my friends, and know that I notice the good you do. Not everything tastes like seafood!

-Jer