I believe

I used to think that I knew everything that there was to know about religion. I felt that I was firmly planted in a church that would help me become the person that I wanted to be. My pride allowed me to go day to day thinking that I was walking a path towards salvation. I felt like God was there. He was guiding my life. We were walking side by side, He carrying me over treacherous paths and I was worshiping and sacrificing time.

My relationship with religion is a messy one. I want to say that I've always been a faithful Christian. I want to say that I've always been firming planted in the soil that The Lord has provided me. I want to say those things, but I couldn't be more wrong. Religion for me is a bumpy roller coaster ride that I'm constantly trying to get off. Every time I think I've managed to slip out of my safety belt, I find another harness securing me down. I've wanted to run away from everything that I've believed. I've hid in tight little holes, thinking that if I stayed quiet then I wouldn't have anything crash down on me. I've erased, deleted, blocked, and tried to completely eradicate all evidence of religion out of my life. But, like I said, every time I try and get rid of anything that has to do with it, it creeps back in.

I thought, up until a few days ago, that I had finally rid myself of the safety belt. I thought that I was free to explore the world how I felt it needed to be explored. I was ready to wash my feet of the past and move forward. A few days ago, I realized that I'll never be free. There are simple truths from which I cannot escape. This is what I know to be true. I know that there is a God. I know that He is my Heavenly Father. In the midst of complete hopelessness, I have felt His calm touch on my heart. He has lifted me out of agony. If I were to deny His existence, I would be denying the existence of myself. When I look outside I see the evidence that God exists. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. He lives, and because He lives, we can live again. He wants to be there for us. He knows what we are going through on a daily basis. He is our Redeemer. He loves us. He believes in us and wants us to believe in Him. I know that my family will be together forever. The scriptures speak hidden truths that guide us through this life. When we pray, we are speaking to our God. We wants us to talk with Him. He wants to hear from us. We can speak to Him wherever we are and under any circumstance. He's just like 711, he's open 24/7. You may argue with me if you want, but just as you are so animate that there is no God, I am animate that there is one.

It's been a long time since I've expressed my feelings towards religion. It's been a long time since I've shared my testimony. I know that my God loves me no matter what path I choose to worship Him. I know that many of you have questioned my beliefs. I don't normally share them out in the open but so that all of you know, these are the things that I know to be true.

-Jer

Feel free to comment